Comments and critiques are welcome. Just don't be a troll, no one likes a troll.

Wednesday, December 31, 2014

2014 In Review

This is that post I write every year to see how I did on last year’s resolutions and goals. It’s also the post I write every year that I realize that the year has flown by and I didn’t meet half my goals.

Last year I resolved to read more, write more and learn more.

I met my annual goal to read 50 books and I also read a lot more magazines and listened to more podcasts this past year than I have before.

I always want to write more but even though I actually doubled the amount of my blog post this year it just doesn’t feel like I accomplished this goal to its fullest.

As for learning…I didn’t take any official classes online or otherwise but most of my reading this year has been on being mindful, happy, healthy, and accountable. I feel I actually did learn something and have been able to apply that to my outlook on life.

In the past I have always gone into the myriad of ways that I failed and then beat myself up over it. But not this year.

I tried, I won some, I lost some, I came out at the end of the year happier and healthier so that’s a win in my book.

Happy New Year and may your 2015 be the beginning of the best times of your life.  

 

 

 

While writing this I was listening to " Happiness" from "Timekeeper" by "Lucy Schwartz"

 

Happiness,
Happiness is here
Unexpected she whispers in your ear
Like a child,
Like a child,
You are new again
In the fields, fields you grew up knowing
In the fields, watch the flowers the flowers blowing
Like a child,
Like a child,
You are home again
And you're so beautiful
Tiny spark, held between your hands
What was lost, is lighted up again
Like a man,
Like a man,
You are hungry again
Tender heart, you have stopped your sighing
Tender heart, you have quit your lying
Like a woman,
Like a woman,
You are honest again
And you're so beautiful
You're so beautiful

Tuesday, December 30, 2014

Petition The Vatican

Terry & Evelyn_Wedding Day

 

32 years ago today my life changed forever and I wouldn’t take back a second of it.

Please petition the Vatican to declare Evelyn a saint because I don’t know how she has put up with me for so long.

“Where do you think you would be today, if we never met?”

Over the years, she has occasionally asked me this question.

My answer has never changed.

“Living in a cardboard box under a bridge.”

She never believes me but to me it’s true.

I can’t imagine a life without her.

Wednesday, December 24, 2014

Christmas is hard…

 

No, this is not another angry rant about not being able to give or get everything I want at Christmas.

Been there, done that, felt stupid, moved on.

Sure, money’s still tight and I’m not going to be able to get my wife everything I feel she deserves, but come on, she deserves literally everything.

She’s the glue that keeps my life together and she has put up with me for the last 30+ years. 

This post is more about dealing with those emotional up and down feelings I get every year around this time. Both good and bad. (And yes, I’m aware I’m not alone.)

I haven’t seen my brothers in at least a year. I have nieces and nephews that I haven’t seen in a much longer time. They have kids and grandkids that I haven’t even met yet. Aunts, uncles, cousins (some of which I haven’t seen in decades), and long time friends, I miss them all.

Time just flies, doesn’t it?

And don’t even get me started on the ones that are no longer alive. I miss them the most even though they are right here with me in my memories and dreams.

Yeah, I know this sounds like I’m in a pretty down mood but I’m not.

This year I feel more at peace and more excited about the holidays and the coming new year than I have in a long time.

This past year I have focused on making more positive changes in my attitude and outlook on life. I’m beginning to learn to be more mindful and live in the present instead of fretting so much about the past or future. I’m letting the small meaningless stresses go and refocusing on what is most important to me. Family, friends, health and happiness.

One common theme in most things I have read this year is that you should declare your intentions/hopes/goals, then imagine yourself accomplishing them and visualize how that feels. Sort of like if you build it they will come, but instead it’s if you visualize it things will happen.

So with that in mind, I’m declaring next year will be better and happier. (Ooh, that almost sounded like the Radiohead song “Fitter Happier”).

There has also been a multitude of friends, family and co-workers with positive attitudes and outlooks that have helped me and probably not even known it. I’ve paid attention to your Facebook posts, blogs and conversations and it has helped me recognize ways to handle situations in a more positive manner.

Thank you all.

So with all this in mind….

Happy Holidays and Merry Christmas!

 

 

While writing this I was listening to " "Light Those Candles Bright" - Holiday Song" from "Now Hear This! - The Winners of the 12th Independent Music Awards” by "Amanda Duncan"

Monday, November 3, 2014

Never Thought I’d Be Here

 

caputo-web

 

Now here’s an event I never thought I’d attend.

It goes against almost everything I was raised to believe. I was taught growing up that mediums and spiritualists were evil, right up there with devil worshippers and Catholics. It was all about the Church versus Evil. Like some Saturday night wrestling match between Fritz Von Erich and “Playboy” Gary Hart.

I’m kind of a skeptic on both sides of the coin. As I’ve gotten older, I have become more agnostic. I still feel there is a higher power out there but I’m not convinced that power is a malevolent God waiting to turn his back on me or strike me down for that one sin too many. Who’s to say that the higher power is not the Native American’s Great Spirits, or Mother Nature, or science? Maybe we’re all wrong. What happens in a few hundred or thousand years when what we believe now is lumped in with Roman or Greek mythology, just another time in history when humans made up legends to explain the unexplainable?

Well, I definitely went off track from talking about last night’s event.

Evelyn is a big fan of Theresa Caputo and has been excited about this show for a couple of months. I was a little out of my comfort zone but was staying open minded. Personally, I think that loved ones who have died before us are still around in some form or another. Either they are a real presence that can’t be explained yet or it’s our memories of them that are triggered by outside stimuli that make us feel they are still close. I’m not sure which it is but I sat in a crowd of about 4000 people and it was an amazing thing to watch.

Theresa walked through the audience speaking to people about things that only they would know. Sure, some people tried too hard at making the things she said match their situations but others seemed truly shocked that she knew about things that were too “out there” for her to know.

There was the couple who planted a tree and set up a memorial bench inscribed with their son’s name on it. She asked about the tree and bench before they mentioned it.

There was the gentleman whose friend was shot but died from complications during another surgery.

She must have talked to 20 or 30 people all over the arena during the 2 hours so I didn’t get the feeling they were “planted” like what is usually reported in movies or news stories regarding mediums.

She didn’t speak to us directly as Evelyn had hoped but I did glean some messages for myself as she spoke to others. Maybe I was looking too hard for something. Maybe I wasn’t.

She spoke to a young woman who had lost her 4th child during birth. The child would have been the woman’s 1st daughter. Before their conversation, Theresa asked her if she had lost a daughter and how that related to the number 4. Theresa went on to tell her that the daughter was doing fine and was with the woman. She also said she was a “girly girl” with dark curly hair and a princess dress. This is actually how I picture our own daughter, Cathryn, with dark hair and being a “girly girl”.

A moment later she asked another woman about butterflies and the woman said she had been seeing them a lot more since her loved one died. This made me think of myself about a year ago when I was constantly seeing butterflies which reminded me of my mother. I even declared 2014 as my personal “Year of the Butterfly”. (http://tgford.blogspot.com/2013/12/the-year-of-butterfly.html)

Was I reaching out for a connection that wasn’t there? Maybe

Were all these people in the audience “plants” or trained actors? Maybe but I don’t think so.

Is Theresa’s gift real? I don’t know.

The one thing I do know is that I left that arena feeling better about myself and with a little more hope that my daughter and parents are keeping an eye on me.

And right now, that’s real enough for me.

 

 

While writing this I was listening to " Harbour" from "18" by "Moby"

"Harbour"
(feat. Sinead O'Connor)


the street bears no relief
when everybody's fighting
the street bears no relief
with light so hot and binding
I run the stairs away
and walk into the nighttime
the sadness flows like water
and washes down the heartache
and washes down the heartache
my heart is full
my heart is wide
the saddest song to play
on the strings of my heart
the heat is on its own
the roof seems so inviting
a vantage point is gained
to watch the children fighting
so lead me to the harbour
and float me on the waves
sink me in the ocean
to sleep in a sailor's grave
to sleep in a sailor's grave
my heart is full
my heart is wide
the saddest song to play
on the strings of my heart
my heart is full
my heart is wide, so wide
the saddest song to play
on the strings of my heart


Writer(s): Richard Hall
Copyright: Richard Hall Music Inc..

Sunday, November 2, 2014

Review: Breakfast with Buddha: A Novel


Breakfast with Buddha: A Novel
Breakfast with Buddha: A Novel by Roland Merullo

My rating: 5 of 5 stars



Random Sentence:
"After we'd watched the dancing and singing and were on the way home in our car, my dad remarked upon how far we'd advanced since the days when the land was ruled by Indian tribes."

Page 137



View all my reviews

Tuesday, July 1, 2014

I Give Up!

 

In this case it’s not a bad thing.

I recently had this conversation with Evelyn:

Me: I’m not going to try anymore.

Evelyn: Okay?

Me: For months I’ve been applying for other positions at work thinking I needed to be doing more, or earning more, or learning more when I’m happy where I am. I mean, I have a job that I like, co-workers that I like and they like me, and I have a great boss. Who’s to say I would have any of those things in a new position or location? What happens if I’m not happy there? So I’m not going to try anymore.

Evelyn: Thank you.

 

So there you have it.

I’m content where I am and I’m not going to pressure myself to advance anymore.

This is a big step for me. I have never allowed myself to be content where I am. I have always felt I needed to be advancing in my career or I was failing. And that failure always translated into not only failure in my job but failure in my life.

I never stopped to look at where I had come from. My parents weren’t rich but we had what we needed, I was married at 19 with a part-time job, bankrupt at 25, unemployed at 36, unemployed again at 44; And yet here I am at 51, employed, a home owner, and happily married for 31+ years.

Not too bad in my opinion.

I’m sure all of my Linked-In connections will shudder when they read this post but the truth is I have had 2 “careers” that required me to be on call 24/7/365 or bring work home to meet a deadline. The stress was so bad at one point that my doctor suggested I quit my job because it was killing me, literally.

So when I was laid off the last time, I decided all I wanted was a “job”. No deadlines, no on-calls, no working from home. That’s what my current job is and I love it.

My first day there the library closed at 9pm and my co-workers shut down the PCs and left. I followed them out asking “Wait, that’s it?”

I was in my car and heading home by 9:04. I was stunned and a little lost but extremely pleased. The pay is not as good as a high pressure/high stress job but it’s not bad.

I guess all this rambling is just to confirm to myself that I am happy and content with my life as it is.

This also brings me back around to what has sort of become my life motto.

 

-The Good Life-
Living in the place you belong,
With the people you love,
Doing the right work,
On purpose.

 

It’s a quote from the book Repacking Your Bags: How to Live With a New Sense of Purpose by Richard J. Leider and David A. Shapiro (Mar 1999) and I have it hanging over my desk at home (the quote, not the book) and I use it as an email signature as a constant reminder and gauge as to how I’m doing.

I’m happy and leading the good life.

How are you doing today?

 

 

While writing this I was listening to " I Saw It" from "All in Good Time" by "Barenaked Ladies"

Sunday, May 11, 2014

Please Slap The Donut Out Of my Hand

Bleh.

Why do I keep doing this?

During the last holiday season (aka the “eating season”), I ate and ate and ate. I gained a good (ok, bad) 20 lbs.

For those of you who actually have will power and don’t know what I’m talking about, the eating season begins with Halloween candy and ends with the New Year’s Eve black eyed peas.

By January 1st I was fed up and disgusted with myself so I began to be more conscious of what I was eating. I ate a high protein breakfast, a salad and fruit for lunch, and a light dinner. It wasn’t really much of a struggle. I wasn’t getting tired of the foods I was eating and I felt a lot healthier.

On my birthday, Evelyn got me a Fitbit One.

 

 

It’s a great little device. It measures steps, distance, calories, stairs, and sleep. I began to challenge myself even more.

Within 90 days, I had lost at 20-25 lbs.

Then we went on vacation.

Within a week, I had abandoned all good habits and even though I was walking 8-10 miles a day (almost 50 miles in a week)I gained about 3 lbs.

Ever since then it’s been a free-for-all. Sausage McMuffins for breakfast, more fast food for lunch, and take-out for dinner. A month of binge eating. Bad choice after bad choice. I just can’t seem to stop myself. I’ve gained at least 10 pounds, if not more. It’s an addiction to junk food.

Today alone, I’ve had about 8 cups of coffee with cream,donuts for breakfast, pizza and chicken wings for lunch, candy, cookies and soda. As I write this, I’m nursing a cup of peppermint tea to calm the nausea roiling through my body.

Much like once an alcoholic always an alcoholic, once an overeater always an overeater.

It’s something I’ve dealt with my whole life (I weighed 150 lbs. at the age of 13) and I know I will deal with it until I die. So to use another cliché, time to get back on the horse.

Tomorrow is a new day. (cliché). I’ve got less than 3 weeks to get back on track (cliché) before we hit the road for New Jersey. My goal is to lose at least that 10 lbs. if not more and then not fall of the wagon (cliché) during the road trip.

So, please feel free to slap the donut, cookie, cheeseburger, etc.. out of my hand.

I may seem a little upset at the time but I will appreciate it in the long run.

 

 

While writing this I was listening to " Nobody Else" from "Los Lonely Boys [Or. Music]" by "Los Lonely Boys"

Monday, April 21, 2014

Mission Accomplished

For Lent I decided to give up Facebook. I pledged to not logon from March 5th to April 19th.  Mission accomplished.

It wasn’t nearly as hard as I thought, it’s April 21st and I still haven’t logged on.

At first it was a little tough because notifications and alerts are forwarded to my phone but I managed to ignore them.

Considering I would spend a couple of hours each night perusing the site, I really didn’t miss it that much.

Sure, I missed knowing what my friends were up to and what life events they were experiencing but I did not and still don’t miss all the endless memes, recipes and game requests.

Later today I’ll be logging on to do some catching up but it will be a quick and condensed session. I’ll look through the notifications and friends requests and respond to them but I’ve got things to do.

This experiment has made me realize how much of my time Facebook sucked up and I can’t go back to my old habits.

So what have I been doing the last 6 or so weeks?

Well, I managed to read 9 books, catch up on several saved articles and magazines, applied for a new position at work (didn’t get it), cleaned up my music collection, and I spent a week in Washington DC (expect lots of pictures and stories to come).

I also spent a lot of time, as I have the last few years, contemplating how to be mindful, happy and generally improve my physical, mental and emotional health.

So with that in mind I want to share a video that was shown at our All Staff meeting last Friday. It really hit home with me.

 

I know I come off a little crazy (ok, sometimes a lot) sounding when writing this blog but I really want to thank everyone for being there for me and reading it.

 

 

While writing this I was listening to " Flirting with Time" from "Highway Companion" by "Tom Petty"

Thursday, March 27, 2014

This is a only a test

There's not going to be much substance here. I recently found a blogging app for my Kindle Fire so I thought I would try it out.
So far so good. It is called Blogaway for Android and can be found at Google Play.
It appears that it may work ok enough to use while on vacation in a few weeks. That way I won't have to take my laptop.
Alright, I'm posting this now. I hope it looks ok.
Wish me luck.


Posted via Blogaway

Friday, February 28, 2014

Lent For The Non-Religious

I’m not Catholic. I was raised in a Christian home but I haven’t attended a church service in years, maybe decades. As I’ve gotten older, I have become more agnostic. (It’s a long and winding story of how I got to this point so I’m not going down that path….for now.)

 

"An agnostic position is one that leaves open the question whether there exists a god or gods, professing to find such a question unanswered or unanswerable. For the atheist, the question has been answered, and in the negative."

-Jaroslav Pelikan

 

With that said, I do admire the idea of giving up something for Lent. It shows a sense of committing to making a change in one’s life. Traditionally something that is considered a luxury or vice is given up. Like millions of people, especially library support staff, I pretty much live from paycheck to paycheck. So while there are some luxuries, there aren’t a lot.

As for vices, I don’t really have any of the more traditional ones. I don’t drink a lot or do drugs. I don’t gamble much, an occasional trip to Cripple Creek, but I get bored and tire of losing money.

I haven’t really kept up with any of my New Year resolutions (see “The 3 Rs”) but I haven’t been that productive in other areas of my life recently either. As I thought about why, I realized I spend a lot of time surfing the web.

Mindlessly surfing.

It’s not just Facebook. It’s Netflix, Good Reads, YouTube, Library Thing, etc.… I spend a lot of time adding items to wish lists or to read/watch queues but I don’t actually read or watch them. I constantly check and recheck Facebook and some other sites in case someone has posted something new. I can spend hours sitting in front of my trusty laptop and do absolutely nothing. This has interfered with what I really want or need to do.

So starting from March 5th (Ash Wednesday) to April 19th (Easter Eve), I am giving it up for Lent.

No more Facebook. There are some things that automatically upload to FB from other sites such as this blog but I will not be perusing the site for the purpose of looking at all the recipes, jokes, etc., that everyone posts over and over and over. My phone alerts me to any private messages or friends requests so I’ll answer those.

I’m only going to go to Netflix or YouTube if I am actually going to watch something and not search the catalog for items to add to the queue. 

Good Reads or Library Thing, only to update what I have read.

Then it’s onto the 3 Rs. Reading, writing, and learning.

If you want to get in touch with me, why not do it “old school”.

Email me or call me.

Maybe write a letter or send a postcard.

 

 

While writing this I was listening to " Mona Lisa" from "Parallax" by "Atlas Sound"

Wednesday, January 1, 2014

The Three Rs

My mind started to wander when I began thinking about my New Year resolutions for 2014.

I began to think about the “Three Rs”, reading, writing, and arithmetic, and how I could utilize them in my resolutions.

Reading - I have this one pretty well covered. I’ll read anything.

Last year I read 59 books. I have a lot of books that have been stacked around the house for years so my goal is to work my way through them instead of checking out more from the library.

Writing – Every year I say the same thing, “I’m going to post here more often.” This year I really am. Really. I’m not just saying that, I am.

Arithmetic – ?? I’m not really planning on doing much extra with math this year so I’m going to equate this with learning.

Maybe a new craft or hobby? Maybe an online course or photography workshop?

Maybe to think before I speak? That’s a good one.

 

Of course the way my mind works I couldn’t stop with just 3 Rs.

How about:

Rest, Relax, Recreation, photogRaphy, Reconnect, Reflect, tRavel, Recommit, chaRity, Reenergize, Renovate, butteRfly …

 

Happy New Year!

May this year bring you only peace, happiness and joy.

 

 

While writing this I was listening to " Becoming a Jackal" from "Becoming a Jackal" by "Villagers"