Christmas is hard…

 

No, this is not another angry rant about not being able to give or get everything I want at Christmas.

Been there, done that, felt stupid, moved on.

Sure, money’s still tight and I’m not going to be able to get my wife everything I feel she deserves, but come on, she deserves literally everything.

She’s the glue that keeps my life together and she has put up with me for the last 30+ years. 

This post is more about dealing with those emotional up and down feelings I get every year around this time. Both good and bad. (And yes, I’m aware I’m not alone.)

I haven’t seen my brothers in at least a year. I have nieces and nephews that I haven’t seen in a much longer time. They have kids and grandkids that I haven’t even met yet. Aunts, uncles, cousins (some of which I haven’t seen in decades), and long time friends, I miss them all.

Time just flies, doesn’t it?

And don’t even get me started on the ones that are no longer alive. I miss them the most even though they are right here with me in my memories and dreams.

Yeah, I know this sounds like I’m in a pretty down mood but I’m not.

This year I feel more at peace and more excited about the holidays and the coming new year than I have in a long time.

This past year I have focused on making more positive changes in my attitude and outlook on life. I’m beginning to learn to be more mindful and live in the present instead of fretting so much about the past or future. I’m letting the small meaningless stresses go and refocusing on what is most important to me. Family, friends, health and happiness.

One common theme in most things I have read this year is that you should declare your intentions/hopes/goals, then imagine yourself accomplishing them and visualize how that feels. Sort of like if you build it they will come, but instead it’s if you visualize it things will happen.

So with that in mind, I’m declaring next year will be better and happier. (Ooh, that almost sounded like the Radiohead song “Fitter Happier”).

There has also been a multitude of friends, family and co-workers with positive attitudes and outlooks that have helped me and probably not even known it. I’ve paid attention to your Facebook posts, blogs and conversations and it has helped me recognize ways to handle situations in a more positive manner.

Thank you all.

So with all this in mind….

Happy Holidays and Merry Christmas!

 

 

While writing this I was listening to " "Light Those Candles Bright" - Holiday Song" from "Now Hear This! - The Winners of the 12th Independent Music Awards” by "Amanda Duncan"

Please Slap The Donut Out Of my Hand

Bleh.

Why do I keep doing this?

During the last holiday season (aka the “eating season”), I ate and ate and ate. I gained a good (ok, bad) 20 lbs.

For those of you who actually have will power and don’t know what I’m talking about, the eating season begins with Halloween candy and ends with the New Year’s Eve black eyed peas.

By January 1st I was fed up and disgusted with myself so I began to be more conscious of what I was eating. I ate a high protein breakfast, a salad and fruit for lunch, and a light dinner. It wasn’t really much of a struggle. I wasn’t getting tired of the foods I was eating and I felt a lot healthier.

On my birthday, Evelyn got me a Fitbit One.

 

 

It’s a great little device. It measures steps, distance, calories, stairs, and sleep. I began to challenge myself even more.

Within 90 days, I had lost at 20-25 lbs.

Then we went on vacation.

Within a week, I had abandoned all good habits and even though I was walking 8-10 miles a day (almost 50 miles in a week)I gained about 3 lbs.

Ever since then it’s been a free-for-all. Sausage McMuffins for breakfast, more fast food for lunch, and take-out for dinner. A month of binge eating. Bad choice after bad choice. I just can’t seem to stop myself. I’ve gained at least 10 pounds, if not more. It’s an addiction to junk food.

Today alone, I’ve had about 8 cups of coffee with cream,donuts for breakfast, pizza and chicken wings for lunch, candy, cookies and soda. As I write this, I’m nursing a cup of peppermint tea to calm the nausea roiling through my body.

Much like once an alcoholic always an alcoholic, once an overeater always an overeater.

It’s something I’ve dealt with my whole life (I weighed 150 lbs. at the age of 13) and I know I will deal with it until I die. So to use another cliché, time to get back on the horse.

Tomorrow is a new day. (cliché). I’ve got less than 3 weeks to get back on track (cliché) before we hit the road for New Jersey. My goal is to lose at least that 10 lbs. if not more and then not fall of the wagon (cliché) during the road trip.

So, please feel free to slap the donut, cookie, cheeseburger, etc.. out of my hand.

I may seem a little upset at the time but I will appreciate it in the long run.

 

 

While writing this I was listening to " Nobody Else" from "Los Lonely Boys [Or. Music]" by "Los Lonely Boys"

The Three Rs

My mind started to wander when I began thinking about my New Year resolutions for 2014.

I began to think about the “Three Rs”, reading, writing, and arithmetic, and how I could utilize them in my resolutions.

Reading - I have this one pretty well covered. I’ll read anything.

Last year I read 59 books. I have a lot of books that have been stacked around the house for years so my goal is to work my way through them instead of checking out more from the library.

Writing – Every year I say the same thing, “I’m going to post here more often.” This year I really am. Really. I’m not just saying that, I am.

Arithmetic – ?? I’m not really planning on doing much extra with math this year so I’m going to equate this with learning.

Maybe a new craft or hobby? Maybe an online course or photography workshop?

Maybe to think before I speak? That’s a good one.

 

Of course the way my mind works I couldn’t stop with just 3 Rs.

How about:

Rest, Relax, Recreation, photogRaphy, Reconnect, Reflect, tRavel, Recommit, chaRity, Reenergize, Renovate, butteRfly …

 

Happy New Year!

May this year bring you only peace, happiness and joy.

 

 

While writing this I was listening to " Becoming a Jackal" from "Becoming a Jackal" by "Villagers"

The Year of the Butterfly

I know that according to the Chinese calendar next year is the year of the horse but 2014 is going to be the year of the butterfly for me.

It’s no secret how I felt this time last year. (Hint: I wasn’t the happiest camper around or the easiest to be around.) I was angry, depressed and disappointed.

This year….not so much.

After last year I decided that even though we may never be rich, we could still be happy. I adopted a new attitude that events could only ruin may day if I let them. So I haven’t let them…as much.

But all this doesn’t explain why it’s my year of the butterfly.

Like most people who have lost a parent or loved one, the holidays can be really hard for me. I miss my parents a lot, especially Mom.

The holidays were her time. She was up early on Thanksgiving morning to get the turkey in the oven and make the dressing.

Mmmm, cornbread dressing. When I was home I would get up with her and help. Making the dressing was the highlight of my day because Mom and I would add ingredients then taste test it over and over until it was just right. I still have the recipe memorized.

Then Christmas would come along and the family would get together for dinner and to exchange gifts. Mom was right there in the middle of it making sure everyone, especially the kids, got their gifts.

When Mom passed away in 2006 the holidays lost some of its shine and this year around Thanksgiving I was starting to struggle again.

That’s when I began to notice them.

The butterflies.

They were everywhere.

Books with butterflies on the cover. 

A butterfly bookmark fell out of a book at work.

A co-worker brought in white lace butterflies as gifts.

Butterfly ornaments at the store.

Mom loved butterflies and butterfly things.

I have pictures from when Evelyn and I visited my parent’s grave and there was a butterfly sitting in Mom’s marker.

 

Mom never let things get her down. Tough times or hard times were learning opportunities.

So when things started getting stressful this year and the butterflies showed up, I knew Mom was there with me and everything was going to ok.

For me Christmas this year hasn’t  been about receiving gifts. I don’t care if I get anything or not.

This morning Evelyn, my mother-in-law, and myself went out for breakfast, I did a little last minute shopping, and then we spent Christmas Eve with my cousins. Tomorrow, it’s gift opening in the morning and then back to my cousin’s house for left-over Mexican food. That’s all I want.

As for this coming year, I’m keeping an eye out for the butterflies.

 

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!

 

 

While writing this I was listening to " A Holly Jolly Christmas" from "Best of Burl Ives: 20th Century Masters/The Christmas Collection" by "Burl Ives"