First things first. Edenland is the title of an awesome blog written by an Australian woman with a great story and the ability to lock into what other people need to hear. Check it out at http://www.edenriley.com/
In the past, I’ve written a least a couple of times about how this blog is for me and I’m going to write whatever I want and if I hurt anyone’s feelings or offend someone, then I’m sorry but they can just get over it.
Well….that doesn’t happen too often. I constantly worry about the subject matter and whether I am choosing the right wording or not because I may upset someone or they may think differently of me. And what if I express an opinion that someone else disagrees with? I have a co-worker who tells me on a regular basis that my problem is that I just want to be friends with everyone and I want everyone to like me. Well yeah!? Doesn’t everyone?
Actually, my problem is that I want to avoid conflict and confrontation at all costs. So if I can get along with everybody then I’m halfway there. I think I learned this at an early age because when I was just 6 or 7 years old, my oldest brother was just hitting his rebellious teen years and I remember plenty of arguments between him and our dad. Then a few years later, my other brother hit his teens and it appeared to be a cycle that was destined to be repeated. Between the three of them, I witnessed enough shouting and shoving matches that I wanted no part of this when I got to be older.
As a result of this, I began living life passively and with minimal risk. The less I could rock the boat, the better. This has led to a life where I constantly rehash conversations (even really old ones) in my mind to see if I said anything that could be misconstrued or offensive. And this has led to, more than once, a feeling of remorse or guilt over something I have said or done in the past.
Anxiety abounds in my world. “I can’t do that, what would so and so think?” Or “I can’t say that or disagree with them, what if I hurt their feelings?” These are all phrases that run through my mind on a regular basis. So you’re wondering what is all this mindless rambling about? Are you going to make some great proclamation of how you are going to change? I wish that were true but the real truth is that this behavior is pretty ingrained in me right now and it will be a long, hard and gradual process before I can make that proclamation, if ever.
Well then, what does this have to do with Edenland?
I’m glad you asked. I ran across Eden’s blog a month or so ago and it inspires me every time I read a new entry. Here is a woman who is a recovering addict, her husband is a cancer survivor, she has 2 young sons and a teenage stepson and she puts it all out there on her blog. All the trials and tribulations, all the ups and downs. No holds barred. She doesn’t care what people think, this is who she is. It’s not a whinny, feel sorry for me blog. It is written in such a straight-forward and passionate manner that it is extremely hard for the reader not to be moved. Maybe not every entry, some are just humorous and entertaining, but the blog as a whole is very inspiring. I wish I could write like that.
About the same time that I discovered Edenland, I was reading a book called Poke The Box by Seth Godin (available on Amazon.com at http://www.amazon.com/Poke-Box-Seth-Godin/dp/1936719002/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1309317718&sr=8-1. It’s about initiative and starting. Not just thinking “outside the box” but poking it and pushing it around. Break out of the status quo and the norm and do something unheard of. Don’t wait for permission or committee approval, take the risk.
Here are some of my favorite quotes from the book:
“Aimless is where we end up when we don’t care so much about where we’re going, or we try to hide and limit our contributions.”
“Risk is avoided because we’ve been trained to avoid failure. I define anxiety as experiencing failure in advance…and if you have anxiety about initiating a project, then of course you will associate risk with failure.”
“Now the whole world is in flux. If your project doesn’t have movement, then compared to the rest of the world, you’re actually moving backward.”
“The first rule of doing work that matters: Go to work on a regular basis. Art is hard. Selling is hard. Writing is hard. Making a difference is hard.“
That last quote really got to me. So that is going to be my new proclamation. “Go to work on a regular basis.”
Not work as in my job but work as in this blog. Change is hard. Deep down, I really started this blog because I wanted to write but didn’t have the confidence to believe I could do it well or have anything worth saying. But as Seth Godin said, “Writing is hard. Making a difference is hard“ and if I don’t work at this and try to write something everyday then anxiety wins and I lose.
So…I went to the optometrist today for a routine eye exam but that’s a story I’ll tell tomorrow.
Good Night.
While writing this, I was listening to "Hunt Hunt Hunt" from "Another Hopeless Summer 2011" by There For Tomorrow
Blogger Labels:
Edenland,
Seth Godin,
initiative,
Risk,
failure,
flux,
movement,
Change
