A Tale of Two Families

It’s amazing how much you can get used to a certain level of family dynamics. I am from a family of 5 (Mom, Dad and 3 boys). Evelyn is an only child but she was raised with her 10 aunts and uncles. Evelyn and I live a very quiet life. An occasional night out with friends which involves a nice quiet conversation. An occasional visit to or from my family which results in a modest level of conversational buzz. An even less occasional visit to her family in New Jersey which results in a level of conversational buzz which can defy description. Imagine recordings of a Broadway musical, rush hour traffic, and a chainsaw playing all at the same time.

I have been married into her family for 26 years now and the drastic change in dynamics is still a shock to my system. My family and I are relatively quiet, my brothers and I are usually sitting back listening and observing the interactions going on in the room. Evelyn’s family is the interaction. Loud, boisterous, high-energy, and right in the middle of everything. It usually takes me a day or two to get used to the changes and and a couple of days to recoup after a visit. Don’t get me wrong, I love them all and would do anything for them and I know they would do the same for me.

I had met Evelyn’s mother, grandmother and 1 aunt before our wedding. I later met another aunt, uncle and cousin a few months after the wedding. Meeting them in small groups gave me no warning or preparation for meeting the whole family. Our 1st visit to NJ was in 1985, about 2 /12 years into our marriage. We were there for her aunt Laura’s wedding. We arrived at her Uncle Robert’s house where the entire family had gathered. Her mother, grandmother, 10 aunts and uncles and uncountable numbers of cousins, 2nd cousins and life long friends were all there. I was terrified as I sat at the kitchen table surrounded by her family answering questions just so they could hear my Texas accent. It was like an anthropological study. Two separate species studying each other. Me, enthralled by such a large family dynamic and a culture I was unfamiliar with and them, enthralled by a quiet person with an accent they had rarely heard outside of a motion picture.

That was then. Now, we are like old friends who meet up after years apart. Every time we get together, we pick up right where we left off the last time. No poking and prodding, no studying. Just one big happy family, although I’m still the quiet one.  

That brings me to today, we are in NJ again. We flew in yesterday and it has been a whirlwind visit already. The car service took us from the airport straight to the her Aunt Laura’s restaurant. It was déjà vu all over again. A crowded restaurant full of energy and commotion. We’re here to take my mother-in-law back home to live with us. We’re driving back. It should be a great adventure. A drive across the country to start a new life with a family of 3 instead of 2.

We leave tomorrow morning. 1700 miles to go.

I’ll keep you posted as long as I can find a wi-fi connection.

 

Currently Playing: "Supply and Demand" from "Supply and Demand" by Amos Lee