What are you seeking?

A winning lottery ticket.

A comfortable retirement.

An all expense paid vacation.

Peace.

Mindfulness.

Calm.

Self confidence.

A calorie free pizza.

A lawn care service.

A good answer to this question.

A year or so ago, I might have answered happiness but I’m doing pretty good in that department.

I still have my melancholy moments but they don’t last nearly as long as they used too.

I guess all that soul searching and life assessing I have done for the last couple of years has paid off.

 

 

While writing this, I was listening to What Does It Take (To Win Your Love) by Junior Walker & the All-Stars from The Soul Story, Vol. 3 Disc 1.

QOTD–Are You Happy?

Yowza!

That’s the question of the ages.

If I’d been asked this question just two and half years ago, I would have probably answered “No”.

I’ve spent the last couple of years doing some soul searching and I’ve been able to redefine what’s really important to me.

I can now say I’m happy in my life.

Are there things that I still want to change? Sure there are but those things aren’t controlling me like they used to.

I recently read a book by Dan Harris called 10% Happier. It was basically about his early news career and dealing with the stresses that come with network TV news. He turned to drugs until he had a mental breakdown on live TV. After that he searched for something more meaningful and less dangerous to deal with the stress. He started to meditate and began to feel a relief from his stresses. Co-workers and friends began to ask him questions about the changes they could see in him and if meditating made him happy. His reply was that it made him 10% happier. That way, they wouldn’t think he had become a fanatic about meditation or religion. People didn’t ridicule or debate him about it since he was not toting it as a “cure-all” for what ails you.

Not sure where I was going with that other than to say that 10% happier seems like a pretty good goal to strive for.

 

 

While writing this I was listening to " Against the Grain" from "Count Me In" by "Rebelution"

QOTD–What Relaxes You?

Reading and listening to music.

Reading, listening to music, and sitting on a deck with a great view, that’s the best.

 

 

While writing this I was listening to " I'll Be Waiting" from "21" by "Adele"

2015 Goals and Resolution

Ok, here’s another annual ritual that me and everyone else goes through. Usually I expound extensively on how I’m going to change and set all these lofty goals that I stress over for the next year.

This year I’m not really setting goals. Sort of.

I have a few projects that I want to accomplish such as cleaning up my photos and reposting them to Flickr in a more orderly fashion.

I also stumbled across a 365 Questions challenge where you answer a new question about yourself every day so that should help meet my constant goal to write more.

Other than that, my focus for 2015 will be family, friends, health, and happiness.

 

 

Cheers!

May the new year be the beginning of the best of your life.

 

 

 

While writing this I was listening to " The River" from "Had to Cry Today" by "Joe Bonamassa"

 

Down by the river
That's where I broke down and cried
Down by the river
That's where I lay down and died

Going down to the river
For as long as I can stand
Mama told me "Son, "
as she took a hold of my hand

"Water runs so deep,
Deep as all my pain, "
Down by the river, honey
Lord, can I be saved?

I said down by the river
That's where I broke down and cried
I said down by the river
That's where I broke down and cried

I said down by the river
Heartaches soaked in wine
I'm just lookin' for redemption
For that wanderin' soul of mine

Pull me to my knees
As I drown in the pouring rain
Down by the river, honey
I still see your face

Sometimes around midnight
They'd come knocking at my door
I said sometimes around midnight,
Hell hounds found what they're looking for

Well those flashing lights told me
Didn't have to say a word
Someone took my baby
Someone took away my world

All they found was a letter
I should never have let her go
The river's the only witness
The only one who knows

And the wind whispers her name
And all the lonesome years
Water turns to whiskey
I drown in my own tears

Down by the river
I see my life in flames
Down by the river honey
I call out your name

I call out your name

I call out your name

2014 In Review

This is that post I write every year to see how I did on last year’s resolutions and goals. It’s also the post I write every year that I realize that the year has flown by and I didn’t meet half my goals.

Last year I resolved to read more, write more and learn more.

I met my annual goal to read 50 books and I also read a lot more magazines and listened to more podcasts this past year than I have before.

I always want to write more but even though I actually doubled the amount of my blog post this year it just doesn’t feel like I accomplished this goal to its fullest.

As for learning…I didn’t take any official classes online or otherwise but most of my reading this year has been on being mindful, happy, healthy, and accountable. I feel I actually did learn something and have been able to apply that to my outlook on life.

In the past I have always gone into the myriad of ways that I failed and then beat myself up over it. But not this year.

I tried, I won some, I lost some, I came out at the end of the year happier and healthier so that’s a win in my book.

Happy New Year and may your 2015 be the beginning of the best times of your life.  

 

 

 

While writing this I was listening to " Happiness" from "Timekeeper" by "Lucy Schwartz"

 

Happiness,
Happiness is here
Unexpected she whispers in your ear
Like a child,
Like a child,
You are new again
In the fields, fields you grew up knowing
In the fields, watch the flowers the flowers blowing
Like a child,
Like a child,
You are home again
And you're so beautiful
Tiny spark, held between your hands
What was lost, is lighted up again
Like a man,
Like a man,
You are hungry again
Tender heart, you have stopped your sighing
Tender heart, you have quit your lying
Like a woman,
Like a woman,
You are honest again
And you're so beautiful
You're so beautiful

Petition The Vatican

 

32 years ago today my life changed forever and I wouldn’t take back a second of it.

Please petition the Vatican to declare Evelyn a saint because I don’t know how she has put up with me for so long.

“Where do you think you would be today, if we never met?”

Over the years, she has occasionally asked me this question.

My answer has never changed.

“Living in a cardboard box under a bridge.”

She never believes me but to me it’s true.

I can’t imagine a life without her.

Christmas is hard…

 

No, this is not another angry rant about not being able to give or get everything I want at Christmas.

Been there, done that, felt stupid, moved on.

Sure, money’s still tight and I’m not going to be able to get my wife everything I feel she deserves, but come on, she deserves literally everything.

She’s the glue that keeps my life together and she has put up with me for the last 30+ years. 

This post is more about dealing with those emotional up and down feelings I get every year around this time. Both good and bad. (And yes, I’m aware I’m not alone.)

I haven’t seen my brothers in at least a year. I have nieces and nephews that I haven’t seen in a much longer time. They have kids and grandkids that I haven’t even met yet. Aunts, uncles, cousins (some of which I haven’t seen in decades), and long time friends, I miss them all.

Time just flies, doesn’t it?

And don’t even get me started on the ones that are no longer alive. I miss them the most even though they are right here with me in my memories and dreams.

Yeah, I know this sounds like I’m in a pretty down mood but I’m not.

This year I feel more at peace and more excited about the holidays and the coming new year than I have in a long time.

This past year I have focused on making more positive changes in my attitude and outlook on life. I’m beginning to learn to be more mindful and live in the present instead of fretting so much about the past or future. I’m letting the small meaningless stresses go and refocusing on what is most important to me. Family, friends, health and happiness.

One common theme in most things I have read this year is that you should declare your intentions/hopes/goals, then imagine yourself accomplishing them and visualize how that feels. Sort of like if you build it they will come, but instead it’s if you visualize it things will happen.

So with that in mind, I’m declaring next year will be better and happier. (Ooh, that almost sounded like the Radiohead song “Fitter Happier”).

There has also been a multitude of friends, family and co-workers with positive attitudes and outlooks that have helped me and probably not even known it. I’ve paid attention to your Facebook posts, blogs and conversations and it has helped me recognize ways to handle situations in a more positive manner.

Thank you all.

So with all this in mind….

Happy Holidays and Merry Christmas!

 

 

While writing this I was listening to " "Light Those Candles Bright" - Holiday Song" from "Now Hear This! - The Winners of the 12th Independent Music Awards” by "Amanda Duncan"

I Give Up!

 

In this case it’s not a bad thing.

I recently had this conversation with Evelyn:

Me: I’m not going to try anymore.

Evelyn: Okay?

Me: For months I’ve been applying for other positions at work thinking I needed to be doing more, or earning more, or learning more when I’m happy where I am. I mean, I have a job that I like, co-workers that I like and they like me, and I have a great boss. Who’s to say I would have any of those things in a new position or location? What happens if I’m not happy there? So I’m not going to try anymore.

Evelyn: Thank you.

 

So there you have it.

I’m content where I am and I’m not going to pressure myself to advance anymore.

This is a big step for me. I have never allowed myself to be content where I am. I have always felt I needed to be advancing in my career or I was failing. And that failure always translated into not only failure in my job but failure in my life.

I never stopped to look at where I had come from. My parents weren’t rich but we had what we needed, I was married at 19 with a part-time job, bankrupt at 25, unemployed at 36, unemployed again at 44; And yet here I am at 51, employed, a home owner, and happily married for 31+ years.

Not too bad in my opinion.

I’m sure all of my Linked-In connections will shudder when they read this post but the truth is I have had 2 “careers” that required me to be on call 24/7/365 or bring work home to meet a deadline. The stress was so bad at one point that my doctor suggested I quit my job because it was killing me, literally.

So when I was laid off the last time, I decided all I wanted was a “job”. No deadlines, no on-calls, no working from home. That’s what my current job is and I love it.

My first day there the library closed at 9pm and my co-workers shut down the PCs and left. I followed them out asking “Wait, that’s it?”

I was in my car and heading home by 9:04. I was stunned and a little lost but extremely pleased. The pay is not as good as a high pressure/high stress job but it’s not bad.

I guess all this rambling is just to confirm to myself that I am happy and content with my life as it is.

This also brings me back around to what has sort of become my life motto.

 

-The Good Life-
Living in the place you belong,
With the people you love,
Doing the right work,
On purpose.

 

It’s a quote from the book Repacking Your Bags: How to Live With a New Sense of Purpose by Richard J. Leider and David A. Shapiro (Mar 1999) and I have it hanging over my desk at home (the quote, not the book) and I use it as an email signature as a constant reminder and gauge as to how I’m doing.

I’m happy and leading the good life.

How are you doing today?

 

 

While writing this I was listening to " I Saw It" from "All in Good Time" by "Barenaked Ladies"