Focus, focus, focus

That’s my theme for 2016.

I finally heard about the supervisor position I applied for…

I was told that I was at the top of the list of candidates but the job posting was incorrect and should have included a degree requirement.
Basically, I`m the person for the job but since I don`t have a degree, I`m out. They are reposting a corrected job posting which will include the degree requirement.
I get it. A mistake was made and needed to be corrected but did it really take 6 months to get the cajones to admit it.

:/

That means that I won`t get, as my friend Ann calls it, a “grown-up schedule”.
But that also means I have every other Monday off and my goal this year is to spend those Mondays focusing on my writing and photography. Two hobbies I really enjoy but don`t do enough of to be considered good.
So, here we go.

Filed under: Careers, Change, Goals, Life, Photography

QOTD–Are You Happy?

Yowza!

That’s the question of the ages.

If I’d been asked this question just two and half years ago, I would have probably answered “No”.

I’ve spent the last couple of years doing some soul searching and I’ve been able to redefine what’s really important to me.

I can now say I’m happy in my life.

Are there things that I still want to change? Sure there are but those things aren’t controlling me like they used to.

I recently read a book by Dan Harris called 10% Happier. It was basically about his early news career and dealing with the stresses that come with network TV news. He turned to drugs until he had a mental breakdown on live TV. After that he searched for something more meaningful and less dangerous to deal with the stress. He started to meditate and began to feel a relief from his stresses. Co-workers and friends began to ask him questions about the changes they could see in him and if meditating made him happy. His reply was that it made him 10% happier. That way, they wouldn’t think he had become a fanatic about meditation or religion. People didn’t ridicule or debate him about it since he was not toting it as a “cure-all” for what ails you.

Not sure where I was going with that other than to say that 10% happier seems like a pretty good goal to strive for.

 

 

While writing this I was listening to " Against the Grain" from "Count Me In" by "Rebelution"

Lent 2015

Wednesday, February 18th through Thursday, April 2nd

As I’ve said in the past, not Catholic, don’t attend Christian services, kind of agnostic, but feel there is some larger power than us.

I recently saw the movie “Wish I Was Here’ written, directed, and starring Zach Braff.

There was a scene where he talks to a Rabbi about God and the Rabbi’s explanation is about a close as you can get to how I picture God.

God is what ever you need him to be.

Wish I Was Here–God As Infinity

As a kid, I had trouble visualizing an endless universe so I imagined we were in a glass jar sitting on a bookshelf in the house of some “higher” being. Maybe some science fair project. If you could travel far enough, you would eventually run into the glass.

As an adult, I have trouble believing in a vengeful God. One who is waiting to strike me down or turn his back on me whenever I’ve committed that one sin too many.

Let me clarify that this was not the teachings of my parents, they did a wonderful job of explaining things to me and by being an example in how they lived.

It was the teachings of the church I attended as a child that terrified me. I never really thought I would become an adult because God was going to destroy the world before I ever became a teenager.

I prefer to see God in nature, the blooming flowers, freshly fallen snow, rain on a hot summer day, and that infinite night sky full of stars.

I’m not sure how all this relates to Lent but I just needed to get that out.

For Lent, I’ve decided to give up soft drinks. Nothing but water, tea, and coffee for me. Ok, and maybe a beer or two.

I’ve also decided to add something for Lent as well. I am committing to at least one physical activity a day. Something besides walking since I average a couple of miles a day on my job. I‘m thinking some sort of exercise. Pushup, sit ups, going to the gym, etc.

It will do me good to drink less soda and maybe establish a habit of working out on a regular basis.

What are your plans for Lent?

 

 

While writing this I was listening to " You Are In Love" from "Paste Valentine's Day Sampler" by "Shannon Whitworth"

 

Watching you leave
Out the black back door
I know you are sick
I felt that before.
Driving away
No words to never say
What you want me to know
What you want me to say
You are in love with me
You are in love with me
One thing I believe
You are in love with me
Truth can untie me
The locks won't let go
Your skin is all around me
But I'll never get old
If you are here at the end
Or the next life begins
It's eternal bliss
Tragedies never can begin
You are in love with me
You are in love with me
One thing I believe
You are in love with me
This is when my heart drops
Like the ticking of a clock
In the silence of the night
No, you will never ever stop
You are in love with me
You are in love with me
One thing I believe
You are in love with me
You are in love with me
You are in love with me
One thing I believe
You are in love with me
Read more at http://www.songlyrics.com/shannon-whitworth/you-are-in-love-lyrics/#G2m6gM7e7yVE6ic7.99

QOTD–I Wish I Had ________

a little more courage to step outside my comfort zone.

I have missed out on past opportunities because of a fear of the unknown.

There have been times throughout my life that I knew I had the talent, abilities, and qualifications to do things differently but the fear of embarrassing myself or drawing attention to myself or repeating past mistakes has stopped me. 

Oh, woe is me. The life of an introvert.

I marvel at family and friends who can step right out and take risks without constant analyzation of the “what if” scenarios.

You know, what if I fail, what if someone is offended, or laughs, or….

For the past few years, I have been building up the courage to step outside my box a little more. I’ve made big strides, little by little.

Whining, confessing, and bitching on this blog for the past 7 years has helped too.

In the last couple of years, I’ve scooted a little further out on the limb and in the near future I plan on scooting out a little more.

The limb hasn’t broke yet.

 

“Why not go out on a limb? That’s where the fruit is.” –Mark Twain

 

 

While writing this I was listening to " Don't Try So Hard" from "Queen Forever" by "Queen"

 

If you're searching out for something -
Don't try so hard
If you're feeling kinda nothing -
Don't try so hard
When your problems seem like mountains
You feel the need to find some answers
You can leave them for another day
Don't try so hard
But if you fall and take a tumble -
It won't be far
If you fail you mustn't grumble -
Thank your lucky stars
Just savour every mouthful
And treasure every moment
When the storms are raging round you
Stay right where you are
Don't try so hard
Oooh don't take it all to heart
It's only fools they make these rules
Don't try so hard
One day you'll be a sergeant major
Oh you'll be so proud
Screaming out your bloody orders
Hey but not too loud
Polish all your shiny buttons
Dressed as lamb instead of mutton
But you never had to try
To stand out from the crowd
Oh what a beautiful world
Is this the life for me
Oh what a beautiful world
It's the simple life for me
Oh don't try so hard
Oh don't take it all to heart
It's only fools - they make these rules
Don't try so hard
Don't try so hard

QOTD–Tomorrow I Will _______.

drink more water instead of sodas and stay off social media.

It’s amazing how much time I can spend waste on Facebook and Twitter.

 

 

 

While writing this I was listening to " Crazy Days" from "Crazy Days - Single of the Week" by "Adam Gregory"

 

Baby, lets take a drive, top down
Underneath the Carolina sky
We can watch the fireflies
Try to outshine the stars
I wanna lay a blanket down
Find a way back
To where our love was found
Baby, lets go right now
Back to our hearts
Beating wild
In the back of my beat up truck
Back to those butterflies
First time we felt in love
Back to your smiling eyes
Come on, baby, take my hand
Let's find a way back to our crazy days
Don't worry about what to wear
Those faded cut off jeans are my favorite pair
Don't go messing with your hair
Let it all blow around
Move over in the middle by me
Just like you did
When your daddy couldn't see
Why his little girl loved a boy like me
Back to our hearts
Beating wild
In the back of my beat up truck
Back to those butterflies
First time we felt in love
Back to your smiling eyes
Come on, baby, take my hand
Let's find a way back to our crazy days
You remember cutting class
Heading to the creek
Doin' '95 down a two lane street
Staying up all night
Talkin' about forever you and me
I can see that look in your eyes
And if I know you, they don't lie
They're telling me
You're thinking about going back
About getting back
Back to our hearts
Beating wild
In the back of my beat up truck
Back to those butterflies
First time we felt in love
Back to your smiling eyes
Come on, baby, take my hand
Let's find a way back to our crazy days

QOTD–What Was The Hardest Thing You Were Dealing With?

Lately it has been which direction I want to take with my job. I have a background in IT so I have been keeping an eye out for that 40hr position that so rarely pops up in the library world. Back in November, one did and I applied.

The posting closed at the beginning of December so I waited and waited and waited to hear if I scored an interview.

After a month I had assumed that I didn’t get one.

I wasn’t looking for change because I hated my current job or didn’t like the people I work with. It’s just the opposite. There are just some days I don’t feel challenged. I was ok with this and had resolved to make the best of where I was.

Then the phone rang.

I got an interview if I wanted.

Sure, I said, I’d love it.

But I wasn’t sure. I had a good job, decent pay, great co-workers, and a great boss. I haven’t been this happy in years. Did I really want to risk that for the unknown?

I’m not OLD but I am getting older and there was no going back if it didn’t work out. I’d be an unemployed 50-something guy looking for a job that paid enough to help keep us afloat and pay the mortgage.

After almost a week of fretting and talking it over with Evelyn, I opted for security over adventure. I called my potential future boss and withdrew my application.

Now I’m dealing with the debate of should I or shouldn’t I have gone through with the interview. I have managed to frustrate myself because I don’t know if I would have been the top candidate or just the guy who made a good showing but not good enough.

I feel like I may have dented my reputation and put myself into sort of a slump but I am also aware that this may just be my perception of the situation.

So in the next week or so, I need to take a couple of steps back, regain my footing, scope out where I am, and begin moving forward again with my life and the pursuit of happiness.

Or winning the lottery, whichever comes first.  

 

 

While writing this I was listening to " Amy Stroup - Back Burner (from MTV's Happyland)" from "As Heard on TV - Volume III" by "Amy Stroup"

 

I, I close my eyes but I can't sleep.
I, I am drawn to the heat, and I am curious.
You was the worst, but you don't know the dangerous.
I burn up the lights trying to picture us.
You are still on my mind.
You are still on my mind.
You really bring the heartbreak closer.
When you come around, I am up and down
You flip me like a rollercoaster
I think I understand it now
It's not the pain that can hurt ya.
I am wishing that I just knew how
To put ya on the back burner, honey.
Wait, I am over the ocean as its goes
Turn, I won't turn around if I am evil
Cry, you crying tears that I am leaving
You got to go on from here, don't try to interfere.
You are still on my mind.
You are still on my mind.
You really bring the heartbreak closer.
When you come around, I am up and down
You flood me like a rollercoaster
I think I understand it now
It's not the pain that can hurt ya.
I am wishing that I just knew how
To put ya on the back burner, honey.
Put ya on the back burner, honey.
The descending bending
(You are still on my mind.)
(You are still on my mind.)
You say our love is unending.
(When you come around, I am up and down)
Hold your thoughts to yourself
You say our love is for no one else.
You are still on my mind.
You are still on my mind.
You really bring the heartbreak closer.
When you come around, I am up and down
You flip me like a rollercoaster
I think I understand it now
It's time for the pain that can hurt ya.
I am wishing that I just knew how
To put ya on the back burner, honey.
You are still on my mind.
You are still on my mind.
Put ya on the back burner, honey.
When you come around, I am up and down
Put ya on the back burner, honey.
To put you
To put you
To put ya on the back burner, honey.
To put you
To put you
To put ya on the back burner, honey.
To put you
To put you
To put ya on the back burner, honey.

Writer(s): Amy Francis Stroup Copyright: Milk Glass Music

QOTD–What Is making You Mad?

Mad?

As in crazy. Insane. Angry.

The problem with these questions is some of them have double meanings.

That’s starting to get annoying.

Really, if I had to answer this question 2 years ago, I would have had to answer everything. Whether it be financial or work related, the smallest things were enough to make my angry and act childish.

Today, not so much. I’ve spent a lot of time the last few years reflecting, reading, and learning how to be calmer and happier.

Like the question the other day about change, I have been able to create new habits that make me stop and think instead of reacting. Sure those old habits are still there and if  I’m tired I start to feel the old frustrations resurface. I’ve learned to reroute those frustrations by distracting myself with something that makes me happy such as picking up a book or turning on some music or blogging.

The key is to realize that some people or situations are not going to change so you need to change how you react to them.

 

 

While writing this I was listening to " Slide" from "Whatever: The '90s Pop and Culture Box Disc 7" by "The Goo Goo Dolls"

 

Could you whisper in my ear
The things you wanna feel
I'd give you anythin'
To feel it comin'
Do you wake up on your own
And wonder where you are?
You live with all your faults
I wanna wake up where you are
I won't say anything at all
So why don't you slide
Yeah, I'm gonna let it slide
Don't you love the life you killed?
The priest is on the phone
Your father hit the wall
Your ma disowned you
Don't supposed I'll ever know
What it means to be a man
It's somethin' I can't change
I'll live around it
I wanna wake up where you are
I won't say anything at all
So why don't you slide
Ooh, slide
And I'll do anythin' you ever dreamed to be complete
Little pieces of the nothin' that fall
Oh, May
Put your arms around me
What you feel is what you are
And what you are is beautiful
Oh, May
Do you wanna get married Or run away?
And I'll do anythin' you ever dreamed to be complete
Little pieces of the nothin' that fall
Oh, May
Put your arms around me
What you feel is what you are
And what you are is beautiful
Oh, May
Do you wanna get married
Or run away?
I wanna wake up where you are
I won't say anything
And I'll do anythin' you ever dreamed to be complete
(Yeah, slide)
Little pieces of the nothin' that fall
(yeah slide)
And I'll do anythin' you ever dreamed to be complete
(Yeah slide)
Little pieces of the nothin' that fall
(Oh, oh slide)
Yeah, slide between the sheets of all them beds you never knew
(Yeah slide)
Why don't you slide into my room
Just slide into my room
Oh, we'll run away, run away, run away

QOTD–Can People Change?

Absolutely.

Is it fast and easy?

Absolutely not.

We’re all hardwired by a lifetime of learned habits, images, and messages. We do things automatically without even realizing it because that’s what we’ve always done. It’s easy and comfortable. Feeling sad or depressed, grab a pint of ice cream. Win the big game, hang with your friends at the local bar and drink to your heart’s content. We’ve seen it our whole lives on TV.

The trick to fixing the negative habits is to change your go-to responses.

You’ll need to substitute something for that pint of ice cream. It can be a healthier food or a walk around the block.  And you’ll need to do this until it becomes the new norm.

But even then it’s not going to be easy because that old habit is still out there. It’s filed away in the back of your mind under “comfortable and easy”. So some time when you’re tired and just don’t feel like taking a walk that old habit is going to pop up. Then you are going to have to start all over again because the old habit has been with you your whole life and it will always be stronger than the new one.

Now I don’t claim to be an expert on this nor do I follow this advice without fail. I have struggled with weight problems my entire life and I’m not talking about a few pounds so I can look like some celebrity, I’m talking obesity. I’ve developed healthy eating habits and lost a lot of weight only to have them ruined by a week of vacationing. I didn’t listen to that voice that was telling me to eat the healthy food. I listened to the voice that told me I was on vacation and should eat what made me happy. There’s a reason it’s called comfort food.

Probably one of the best books I’ve read lately that explains the old vs. new habits is This Year I Will...: How to Finally Change a Habit, Keep a Resolution, or Make a Dream Come True by M.J. Ryan.

Go to your local library and check it out.

 

 

While writing this I was listening to " Living in a Fantasy" from "The Music of My Life" by "Neil Sedaka"

 

How can I stop this rain from fallin'?
How can I stop my heart from calling your name?
This ain't the way it's supposed to be
I'm living in a fantasy for your love.

Do you think of me when we're apart?
If I can think with my head and not my heart.
It's so sad...so sad to see..
I'm living in a fantasy for your love.

Days not complete if I don't hear your voice.
Sweet darlin' I got no choice.
Always wondering who's kissin' you now.
Tryin' to hold on...make it somehow.

Can't fight this feelin' that's so strong.
How can something so right turn out so wrong?
Why don't you listen to my plea?
I'm living in a fantasy for your love.

People always envy me,
They're not walking in my shoes.
They'll never, never know,
How I've been singin' the blues.

Can't make you love me if you don't.
You want me to grovel on my knees but I won't.
You're making my lose my sanity.
I'm living in a fantasy for your love.

I know you're sweet...sweet and fine.
But how many others are really on your mind?
There's no future left for me,
I'm living in a fantasy for your love.

Read more: Neil Sedaka - Living In A Fantasy Lyrics | MetroLyrics

2015 Goals and Resolution

Ok, here’s another annual ritual that me and everyone else goes through. Usually I expound extensively on how I’m going to change and set all these lofty goals that I stress over for the next year.

This year I’m not really setting goals. Sort of.

I have a few projects that I want to accomplish such as cleaning up my photos and reposting them to Flickr in a more orderly fashion.

I also stumbled across a 365 Questions challenge where you answer a new question about yourself every day so that should help meet my constant goal to write more.

Other than that, my focus for 2015 will be family, friends, health, and happiness.

 

 

Cheers!

May the new year be the beginning of the best of your life.

 

 

 

While writing this I was listening to " The River" from "Had to Cry Today" by "Joe Bonamassa"

 

Down by the river
That's where I broke down and cried
Down by the river
That's where I lay down and died

Going down to the river
For as long as I can stand
Mama told me "Son, "
as she took a hold of my hand

"Water runs so deep,
Deep as all my pain, "
Down by the river, honey
Lord, can I be saved?

I said down by the river
That's where I broke down and cried
I said down by the river
That's where I broke down and cried

I said down by the river
Heartaches soaked in wine
I'm just lookin' for redemption
For that wanderin' soul of mine

Pull me to my knees
As I drown in the pouring rain
Down by the river, honey
I still see your face

Sometimes around midnight
They'd come knocking at my door
I said sometimes around midnight,
Hell hounds found what they're looking for

Well those flashing lights told me
Didn't have to say a word
Someone took my baby
Someone took away my world

All they found was a letter
I should never have let her go
The river's the only witness
The only one who knows

And the wind whispers her name
And all the lonesome years
Water turns to whiskey
I drown in my own tears

Down by the river
I see my life in flames
Down by the river honey
I call out your name

I call out your name

I call out your name

2014 In Review

This is that post I write every year to see how I did on last year’s resolutions and goals. It’s also the post I write every year that I realize that the year has flown by and I didn’t meet half my goals.

Last year I resolved to read more, write more and learn more.

I met my annual goal to read 50 books and I also read a lot more magazines and listened to more podcasts this past year than I have before.

I always want to write more but even though I actually doubled the amount of my blog post this year it just doesn’t feel like I accomplished this goal to its fullest.

As for learning…I didn’t take any official classes online or otherwise but most of my reading this year has been on being mindful, happy, healthy, and accountable. I feel I actually did learn something and have been able to apply that to my outlook on life.

In the past I have always gone into the myriad of ways that I failed and then beat myself up over it. But not this year.

I tried, I won some, I lost some, I came out at the end of the year happier and healthier so that’s a win in my book.

Happy New Year and may your 2015 be the beginning of the best times of your life.  

 

 

 

While writing this I was listening to " Happiness" from "Timekeeper" by "Lucy Schwartz"

 

Happiness,
Happiness is here
Unexpected she whispers in your ear
Like a child,
Like a child,
You are new again
In the fields, fields you grew up knowing
In the fields, watch the flowers the flowers blowing
Like a child,
Like a child,
You are home again
And you're so beautiful
Tiny spark, held between your hands
What was lost, is lighted up again
Like a man,
Like a man,
You are hungry again
Tender heart, you have stopped your sighing
Tender heart, you have quit your lying
Like a woman,
Like a woman,
You are honest again
And you're so beautiful
You're so beautiful

Christmas is hard…

 

No, this is not another angry rant about not being able to give or get everything I want at Christmas.

Been there, done that, felt stupid, moved on.

Sure, money’s still tight and I’m not going to be able to get my wife everything I feel she deserves, but come on, she deserves literally everything.

She’s the glue that keeps my life together and she has put up with me for the last 30+ years. 

This post is more about dealing with those emotional up and down feelings I get every year around this time. Both good and bad. (And yes, I’m aware I’m not alone.)

I haven’t seen my brothers in at least a year. I have nieces and nephews that I haven’t seen in a much longer time. They have kids and grandkids that I haven’t even met yet. Aunts, uncles, cousins (some of which I haven’t seen in decades), and long time friends, I miss them all.

Time just flies, doesn’t it?

And don’t even get me started on the ones that are no longer alive. I miss them the most even though they are right here with me in my memories and dreams.

Yeah, I know this sounds like I’m in a pretty down mood but I’m not.

This year I feel more at peace and more excited about the holidays and the coming new year than I have in a long time.

This past year I have focused on making more positive changes in my attitude and outlook on life. I’m beginning to learn to be more mindful and live in the present instead of fretting so much about the past or future. I’m letting the small meaningless stresses go and refocusing on what is most important to me. Family, friends, health and happiness.

One common theme in most things I have read this year is that you should declare your intentions/hopes/goals, then imagine yourself accomplishing them and visualize how that feels. Sort of like if you build it they will come, but instead it’s if you visualize it things will happen.

So with that in mind, I’m declaring next year will be better and happier. (Ooh, that almost sounded like the Radiohead song “Fitter Happier”).

There has also been a multitude of friends, family and co-workers with positive attitudes and outlooks that have helped me and probably not even known it. I’ve paid attention to your Facebook posts, blogs and conversations and it has helped me recognize ways to handle situations in a more positive manner.

Thank you all.

So with all this in mind….

Happy Holidays and Merry Christmas!

 

 

While writing this I was listening to " "Light Those Candles Bright" - Holiday Song" from "Now Hear This! - The Winners of the 12th Independent Music Awards” by "Amanda Duncan"